I learned a lot about you reading this essay! It is a strong start to a more refined, focused personal statement, but you've done an excellent job in expressing the pride you feel in belonging to more than one culture, more than one world.
I think the heart of your essay is related to the idea that being bi-cultural has been a blessing for you. This is in spite of the fact that you've also had to find ways of fighting the tendency to believe or be bothered by other people's ignorant comments about your roots.
Your organization is fairly strong in that it moves the reader easily through your essay while keeping focus on the heart of your essay. You've also done an excellent job in selecting quotes that are relevant to your main ideas.
I would like you to consider the following questions to help you develop your essay even further:
1) Besides language, what other aspects of both your Taiwanese and Filipino culture have you internalized and learned to love? Be specific when thinking about traditions, perspectives, particular family stories or truths that have informed your sense of pride in both cultures.
2) How did you learn to balance the differences between both of your parents' experiences and perspectives? In other words, you're very reflective and thoughtful about how your parents' approach to life and work and the future is just as different as their culture and langauge. Your father's family seems very goal-oriented and focused on working hard. You're mother seems to value this too because she works just as hard, but she also seems to value the need to slow down and enjoy life. So how did you learn to balance these two perspectives? How have you used both of these approaches in your work as a student?
3) What are some specific example as to how you've learned to reject stereotypes about Asians? In other words, what have you used these negative, ignorant perceptions to inform your motivation and pride? Was is always easy for you to reject such prejudices, or did you have to teach yourself how to do that?
Kristi,
ReplyDeleteI learned a lot about you reading this essay! It is a strong start to a more refined, focused personal statement, but you've done an excellent job in expressing the pride you feel in belonging to more than one culture, more than one world.
I think the heart of your essay is related to the idea that being bi-cultural has been a blessing for you. This is in spite of the fact that you've also had to find ways of fighting the tendency to believe or be bothered by other people's ignorant comments about your roots.
Your organization is fairly strong in that it moves the reader easily through your essay while keeping focus on the heart of your essay. You've also done an excellent job in selecting quotes that are relevant to your main ideas.
I would like you to consider the following questions to help you develop your essay even further:
1) Besides language, what other aspects of both your Taiwanese and Filipino culture have you internalized and learned to love? Be specific when thinking about traditions, perspectives, particular family stories or truths that have informed your sense of pride in both cultures.
2) How did you learn to balance the differences between both of your parents' experiences and perspectives? In other words, you're very reflective and thoughtful about how your parents' approach to life and work and the future is just as different as their culture and langauge. Your father's family seems very goal-oriented and focused on working hard. You're mother seems to value this too because she works just as hard, but she also seems to value the need to slow down and enjoy life. So how did you learn to balance these two perspectives? How have you used both of these approaches in your work as a student?
3) What are some specific example as to how you've learned to reject stereotypes about Asians? In other words, what have you used these negative, ignorant perceptions to inform your motivation and pride? Was is always easy for you to reject such prejudices, or did you have to teach yourself how to do that?